How To Lose A Sale Made Simple

The sole, one and only, singular reason for going into business is to MAKE A PROFIT!

If you are in business for any other reason, you will not stay in business. Period. So lose all those altruistic feel-good motivations. They won't see you through the leans months as the business lives through the regular yearly cycle.

Knowing this and owning several businesses as well, I am constantly amazed at some of the daft business methodology being employed by so-called businesses. I wonder what their reason for being in business is.

Take today, for example. I am Health Aware - without needing to go through a "health awareness week" either. That means, I am conscious about what does and does not enter my body via the many ways a substance can enter the body.

Some people call me a health nut. As if to imply there is something wrong with me. Yet these people consume water which has been loaded with sugar which leeches their bones of calcium and makes their bones brittle, will consume products pumped up with chemicals that taste sweet but which are neuro-toxins, gorge themselves on food items laced with chemicals and preservatives so toxic, handling instructions include full body suits, face masks and eye goggles as well as industrial strength rubber gloves. They freely consume this toxic chemical mess and call me a nut.

Anyway. In an effort to avoid putting some of the world's more nasty chemicals in me, I use natural body cleansing products. And decided to try a new brand - new as in "I haven't tried it yet". Boy. What an ordeal.

I called the business. Got put through to sales. Told them I wanted to buy some of their stuff. And was told to put my request in writing and fax it to them, or send it to them through the post, or visit their website, locate the items I wanted to buy using their shopping cart, and then buy it. Because... and get this... they REFUSE to take phone orders. They reckon it is an effort to stop people buying their product using stolen credit cards.

But this isn't everything. Oh no. It gets better - or worse, depending on your point of view...

I asked them if I could drop by and pick it up. I got an odd kind of yes which alerted me to the fact the person on the phone had no idea what I just said. So I spelt it out very clearly... I want to come to your business location at 123 Business St, My Town, give you money and walk out with the product I want.

Nope. No dice. They also REFUSE to do business that way. I HAVE to write out my request and send it by snailmail or fax, or mess around with their complicated online ordering system.

But that still isn't the end. Because... even with all that, I can only order from them if I am on their database. So I can't even use their online ordering system to buy because I am not on their "system" yet.

To get on their system a rep has to come out and see me.

Oh, for fuck sake. I just want to buy some God-damn shampoo. What's the matter with you people?, I thought.

Needless to say, I didn't not proceed.

Let this be a lesson to all aspiring entrepreneurs... to succeed in business requires you to make a profit. You will drastically lower your profits if you are unwilling to take phone orders - when you are a business that deals solely through the mail!!!

Liars At The Door/Phone

A thief. I respect a good thief. But liars. Oh. I can't stand liars.

These are the sentiments expressed by the head detective in the movie The Interview staring Hugo Weaving - a good movie, by the way.

I echo some of those thoughts. I do not respect any thief. But I do agree with the liar part... I can't stand liars.

Here's a call I got the other day...

"I'm Jane from Autism Australia, you are the manager, right?"

I asked, "Who told you that?"

And her reply was, "I tried calling yesterday"... (I had received a call which didn't get through yesterday so continued to listen) ..."and I was told you were the manager."

"You got through to someone and they told you I was the manager?"

"Yes."

"Who was that?"

"I don't know. But while talking to them I wrote down 'Michael Ross, manager'".

"Well, you didn't talk to anyone at this number yesterday who told you I was the manager. YOU Are a LIAR." click.

And how do I know they never spoke to anyone at my number who told them I was the manager? Because the number they called is not answered by anyone else but me.

Then the very next day I get this guy at the door...

Starts off by introducing himself and the girl he was with. I asked him what he wanted. He ignored my question and went into his spiel...

"We're with AAPT and we've been talking to your neighbors and a lot of them are using AAPT. Who is your phone company?"

I replied, "None of your business. But tell me. Most of my neighbors are NOT home during the day. So either you have somehow managed to catch them all in which is really odd - or - you just told a lie. Which is it?"

His response was, "Well, the lady around the corner."

"The lady around the corner in the next street is not my neighbor."

"Well, in the neighborhood."

"You said 'neighbor"'

He looked at me blankly until I told him I didn't want what he was offering - although he never got to that part anyway. He turned and walked away.

I did notice he tried to use the social proof thing. As if all my neighbors are using their service so I should use it too. Except that he lied about it and then tried to BS his way out of it. And funny how "a lot of my neighbors" turns out to be one lady around the corner.

What a sad reflection on AAPT to train their people to lie to customers. I assume he was trained to lie because it was a definite spiel he had memorized. And the way it then went right into trying to extract information from me.

And if they are willing to lie to get business, what else are they willing to lie about, or do?

Look. We all know there are truth-stretches which go on in marketing.

Drinking a certain brand of beer will not get you a bunch of bikini girls flocking around you. Driving a certain car will not make you jump in the air for joy. Buying a certain brand of deodorant won't make guys/girls come running. Wearing certain tampons won't suddenly make you a fun-to-be-around party girl without a care in the world.

These things are IMAGES. And the image is always implied but never stated.

Telling lies to make the sale is different. And anyone (any business) that engages in it, sends a signal that not only can't they be trusted to provide the product they are telling lies about providing, they are so ashamed of the product and think it so unworthy, they have to lie about it to get anyone to buy it.

From now on, make it a point to tell liars they are lying, the moment they lie. Not in a confrontational way. More in a "matter o' fact" way.